Gossip Girl and Her Gay

When a fun-loving pair of gossipy homos gets together, nobody is safe. Sure, instant messaging is a wonderful tool for workplace communication and for late-night, ahem, romantic dalliances. But during those down times in the gay media business, what else is there to do but eviscerate the glitterati?

SheWired.com Senior Editor Tracy E. Gilchrist and Advocate.com Editor-in-Chief Ross von Metzke prove that lesbians and gay men do get along… especially when they’re getting bitchy over the latest dirt in Hollywood.

This week, Ross and Tracy rip on Walmart shoppers, gush over Susan Lucci and A Christmas Carol remakes, fondly remember West Side Story, groan over the disaster of Rosie Live and ponder Wanda Sykes' popularity now that she's an out and proud lesbian.

RvM: Hi love. You ready to do this after drowning yourself in spiked egg nog and yams for three days?

TEG: Hey baby. I'm warning you. I'm only one and half cups of coffee in, so the crank hasn't worn off yet… I wish. Do you have any spiked egg nog?

RvM: I don’t... I just dump some bourbon in a glass, retreat to a corner and sing “Silver Bells” as I drift off to sleep.

TEG: Hahaha... Awww. Your girl Susan Lucci is on a Lifetime movie right now. Ebbie....

RvM: I love Ebbie... She works at some ghetto ass dept. store that sells Zales like jewelry and has one of those Santa’s who's on parole. And her skin looks flawless. That was right after she launched her skincare line, Youthful Essence.

TEG: Yes. She looks amazing. She's a modern day Ebenezer Scrooge with great pores.

RvM: That’s right. So should we just call a spade a spade and kick off with Rosie Live?

TEG: Oh Lord almighty. I wanted to find something redeeming. Really I did.

RvM: Well, Jane Krakowski was hot as always... but between Liza Minnelli looking like she mixed up her Boniva and NoDoz again and Gloria Estefan singing about turkey and frijoles for thanksgiving while queens dressed in tights and Macy’s day floats danced around her, I wanted to reach for a Dramamine and call it a night.

TEG: My half a bottle of Rioja with a codeine cough syrup chaser helped but yes, when Krakowski stripping to an iPhone giveaway is your showstopper, you're fucked! And what was with Alanis Morissette?

RvM: What was that shit? I felt like the producers from Oprah's greatest things showed up on the set of Live with Regis and Kelly and just decided the damage was done... bring it home!

TEG: Rosie O'Donnell was the first big "giver" on her show. Oprah stole that shit.

RvM: I know she was... she gave. And gave. And GAVE.

TEG: Yep... she's a giver. When you're as cantankerous as Ro you gotta bribe the audience. And the extended gay joke with the Gayken? : Yikes.

RvM: Still, I feel kinda bad for her. I want Rosie to succeed again, I really do. But that was not the way to do it. Yeah, I fast forwarded through that shit with Clay Aiken and had a second turkey leg to calm myself.

TEG: Haha. Maybe she needs real Variety Show stalwarts like Cher and Marie Osmond to help get that off the ground. And Mac Davis.

RvM: I don’t think the gays wanna see much of Marie anymore... Mormon that she is.

TEG: I wish she'd just drink a cup of fucking coffee to wash down her crazy and come out as a regular gay icon. 

RvM: Have you seen the "video footage" that you’re girl Lindsay Lohan is back on the bull juice, I take it?

TEG: Yes. Please. Like my friends at the Enquirer didn't give me that ages ago.

RvM: Inside Edition has photos of her making herself a little vodka, Red Bull chaser to tie one on this holiday season.

TEG: I know. But still, I think tangoing with Sam Ronson has calmed her down... even if she is still boozing. She hasn't wrapped her Benz around a fence on Sunset in over a year.

RvM: Yeah... I’m thinking maybe Sam Ro is a calming influence. now she just stuffs Lindsay in a duffle bag when she's done at the bar and rolls her out through the back.

TEG: Like a gayelle magician. I try to avoid her cuz I feel like I need a Purel wash after discussing her but Wino's Blake admitted he turned her on to the hard stuff. Ain't love grand.

RvM: Yeah... I cant handle Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil. seriously. It's kinda like when I watched the last season of Growing Pains, when they got desperate and brought in Leo Dicaprio to save the show. you know its going down like the Titanic, but you just hang in there to see how fast and hard it thuds.

TEG: Yeah... Poor Wino... even the hive isn't fun anymore. Moving on... Now the Looch is in her satin pjs in an elevator with a ghost in a business suit.

RvM: Hahaha. I might need to turn that on. I love a good retelling of A Christmas Carol. I don’t know which one I love more. Ebbie or the one where Vanessa Williams plays a disgruntled pop star… where Kathy Griffin is the Ghost of Christmas Present.

TEG: Too bad they didn't star in one together. The Looch and Williams going at it. Who'd win?

RvM: Hmmm. That’s a toughie. Williams probably has strength on her side, but when you lose an Emmy 17 times, you get scrappy quick.

TEG: Yeah the Looch would tear her eyes and weave out.

RvM: LOL. Hey, I know this is just ghetto but can we take a sec to talk about Walmart? I mean, really. What the fuck kind of society do we live in where you bust down the doors at Walmart to save six bucks on two-ply toilet paper?

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