The Art of the Lesbian Potluck

We’ve all been to them.  The BYO-food party that can be a fabulous evening of scintillating conversation, delectable dishes and merry match making, or it can be an unforgettable disastrous dyke drama debacle.  It’s up to you, the host.  So if you are daring enough to take on the Lesbian Potluck Party, here are some hints from the experts for keeping it real and fun, without the vegans choking on tartare or the histrionics of old flames clashing over appetizers.

Starters:

First off, there’s the guest list.  If you are inviting couples and singles, there are no hard and fast rules, says Steven Petrow, etiquette expert and author of the forthcoming book The Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners, but try to balance it out.

“No one ever wants to be the only single person at a party. If you’re going to invite one single, make it a duo. Even better, try to make it a set-up.”

As any lesbian bevy is bound to include at least a couple of ex lovers, as host you must consider everyone’s comfort before inviting them all to break bread together.

“Just because you want to invite them all, doesn’t mean that you should. Masked or unmasked bitterness, rage or jealousy can quickly tank the best of parties. But if you’re committed to this potentially prickly guest list, be transparent,” says Petrow.

He advises letting your guests know if an ex will be attending. “Then each of your friends can decide whether it will be worth the pain to come out to your party.”

As for seating arrangements, Petrow advises hosts to “Make sure the party is big enough so that folks can hide in corners. Spread them around.”

Main Course:

Now the easy part, the menu.  A potluck is a great way to have a dinner party with a lot of variety of dishes without a lot of fuss, or expense, for the host.  But the host is not off the hook. 

“Traditionally, the host provides the main dish, primarily because you have access to an oven and can serve hot foods,” according to Deana Gunn and Wona Miniati, authors of the independent cookbook, Cooking with All Things Trader Joe's.

Gunn and Miniati recommend chicken or roast beef which is easy to pair with any sides.  Or, if you have a large group with several volunteers bringing main dishes, you can opt to skip providing one yourself and instead provide all the beverages.

Also, don't forget that the host also provides serving utensils, flatware, plates, cups, glasses, napkins and condiments.  Also make sure you have plenty of potholders and kitchen towels as well as ice and a cooler for beverages.  Clear out the fridge as much as possible in order to create room for any dishes that do have to be kept cold until served.

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