Amanda Palmer Talks Open Relationship with Out
Amanda Palmer may not be a household name yet, but the 36-year-old who goes by Amanada F*cking Palmer on her webpage and Facebook site, is sure to get your attention. Formerly of the Dresden Dolls, Palmer raised over $1.2 million to finance her latest self-released album with the Grand Theft Orchestra, a move that ignited a mini firestorm regarding crowdsourcing and musicians' unions. The album, titled Theater is Evil, debuted at No. 10 on Billboard's 200.
Palmer clearly has a tight bond with her fans, a relationship she compares to her own romantic life. "A strong and intimate relationship with your fanbase really does kind of function like a committed partner relationship,” she told Out in an exclusive interview. "A real relationship with your fanbase is a longterm, committed relationship; I've been in a relationship with my fans for 13 years....so in effect, we're common law, right?”
Palmer is married to author Neil Gaiman, but doesn’t shy away from her history with women, or the fact that her marriage is an open relationship. “I've always lived my life under the philosphy of radical honesty. I can't handle lying or being lied to," she said. "I think there's many many many kinds of love. I think about this more and more as our careers and relationship evolves: the main 'other' relationship in both of our lives is our fanbase, our public. Sometimes when I'm with Neil, and go to the other room to Twitter with my followers, it feels like sneaking off for a quick shag."
Palmer tells Out that her open relationship is the result of an essential discomfort with monogamy. "It's not a reactive decision like, 'Hey I'm on the road, you're on the road, let's just find other people.' It was a fundamental building block of our relationship. We both like things this way."
Still, Palmer insists that honesty is a prime factor in sustaining her marriage. "Our relationship is open, and the open-ness is grounded in total honesty with one another. We're very communicative with each other and we share everything. I think that's the way you gotta do it. I can't speak for anyone but myself, and there are a million ways to love and be in a relationship." She added, "Neil and I fall more and more in love with each other every day, and I think part of that is because we encourage each other to say more, share more, to peel ourselves open to each other in the middle of the night when the day is done and the real talking happens. It's not always easy, the peeling sometimes hurts, but the deep love it fosters is clear to see."
For more information on the album and tour dates, visit AmandaPalmer.net.