Last week we delivered randy memories in the form of early lesbian crushes, featuring Tomboys, Straight-up Femmes and Bitch Femmes, but here’s our list of clear-cut winners -- the Bad-Assed Femmes. But since we want everyone to take a jaunt down lesbian lovers’ lane we’re also serving up a pair of Sci-fi Bad Asses, the Sophisticated Ladies and a few Oddballs.
For budding lesbians, those early crushes on TV and movie stars heralded moments of real awakening. Where making out with boys by the schoolyard fence failed to arouse -- intense anticipation, butterflies in the stomach and an increased heart rate for the young girl sitting down to watch favorite shows like The Facts of Life, Charlie’s Angels, Wonder Woman and My So Called Life, were pretty strong harbingers of her impending dykedom.
From the usual suspects like Angelina Jolie and Kristy McNichol to the more heady crushes like Catherine Deneuve to the just plain odd like Carolyn Jones as Morticia Addams in the television show -- with the help of a swath of dyed-in-the-wool lady lovers -- I’ve compiled a list of famous faces that sparked pre and post-pubescent, lusty girl-crushes.. This list is by no means comprehensive and thanks to all who contributed including, L.A., Rachel, Robyn, Caren, Dani, Dawn, Kara and Patti.
Lindsay Wagner: As the original Bionic Woman, Lindsay Wagner -- often sporting a tres 1970’s sweat suit, kicked bad-guy -- and girl -- ass with the perfect mélange of femininity and don’t f*** with me. And who can forget her in hand to hand combat with the original femmebots? A generation of nascent Lesbos tuned in to Lindsay every Wednesday night.
Jessica Alba: No super-human bad-ass pouted and brooded quite as hotly as Jessica Alba’s leather-clad messenger Max in Dark Angel. Alba’s super-powers only improved from there. As The Fantastic Four’s Sue Storm, juicy Jessica’s a mistress of force fields and she’s also got invisibility powers -- perfect for slipping into young lesbians’ bedrooms undetected.
Charlie’s Angels - Kate Jackson, Jaclyn Smith, Farrah Fawcett and Cheryl Ladd: They were quintessential 'Jiggle TV', but Sabrina, Kelly, Jill and later, Kris were tough PI’s who could go undercover in any situation -- Farrah’s Jill as a Playmate Centerfold, Ladd’s Kris on ice in a poor man’s version of the Ice Capades, Smith’s Kelly as an exotic dancer and Jackson’s Sabrina as the smart, semi-butch who had all the budding lesbians wanting to be cuffed by them. But best of all, the Angels producers delivered two women’s prison’s episodes squarely placing these sexy babes behind bars. It was the seventies after all, when the women in prison fetish was at its peak.
Jennifer Garner: Full lips, high cheekbones and impossibly square shoulders, Jennifer Garner’s Sydney Bristow in Alias was the most ass-kickingly hot double agent to ever hit the small screen. Smart and tough as nails, Garner’s Bristow appealed to baby dykes and their older pals alike. For an extra-special dose of this beautiful toughie check out the box office bomb Elektra. Jen’s red bustier -- revealing a hardcore six pack -- is single-handedly worth the price of admission.
Lynda Carter: Who doesn’t love an Amazonian girl with knee-high boots, restraint-like cuff bracelets, a magic lasso and an invisible plane? Lynda Carter wooed girls who hoped to be hustled off to her island in the original Wonder Woman series. Lynda’s porcelain skin, raven hair and curves gave Wonder Woman the power to woo the young women everywhere.
Angelina Jolie: While Angie earned a spot on our list as tomboy crush for her toughie turn in Foxfire, Angie defines the bad-assed femme. Whether it’s her dog sled riding Lara Croft in skin-tight neoprene, her sexy, off-the-rails nut job in Girl Interrupted or her sickeningly hot domestic goddess gone awry as a don’t f*** with me undercover agent in Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Angie’s that pretty girl who can kick everyone’s ass. The pornographically full lips, cat-like eyes and innate animalistic drive make her catnip to lesbians and straight women alike.
Sci-fi Bad Asses
Linda Hamilton: Cranking out chin-ups with her rock-hard deltoids blazing, Linda Hamilton made the ultimate MILF in Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day. No holds barred, this gun-toting mother with a vengeance portrayed female power like never before. Sure, Linda got into some inter-beastial coupling in the Beauty and the Beast TV series but by the time her hard-bodied Sarah Conner kicked the crap out of Arnie in T:2, her role as a little lesbo icon was firmly established.
Sigourney Weaver: From her tattered and torn beater tank to her underwear-clad final battle with the fang-toothed cyber monster in Alien, Sigourney was in the drivers’ seat. This sci-fi heroine reprised the role in the almost equally great Aliens, and everyone knows that gay girls love their sci-fi. Sigourney’s Ripley was so fetchingly raw, that the girls flocked to the theater just to see the bad-assed beauty rock a shaved head and kick alien butt in the third film of the series.
Catherine Deneuve: By the time Catherine Deneuve’s predatory vampire vixen Mrs. Blaylock makes a pass at Susan Sarandon’s hapless scientist in The Hunger, Deneuve had cast a spell on her hordes of female fans. This calm and collected beauty’s sex scene with Sarandon sent randy lesbians to the local video stores searching for Deneuve’s other lesbo flick, Entre Nous, and for her turn as a bored Parisian housewife come high-priced hooker in Luis Bunuel’s classic Belle de Jour.
Julie Christie: This timeless British babe won over a generation of young women as the tragic Lara in Dr. Zhivago. But her appeal didn’t stop there. As a worn-out frontier prossie in Robert Altman’s redefinition of the western, McCabe and Mrs. Miller, Christie made Prairie dresses sexy. And if that weren’t enough, she played a smokin’ sex kitten who gave infamous lothario Warren Beatty a run for his money.
Marlene Dietrich: A long-rumored and unapologetic bisexual Marlene was a German import with endless sex appeal. Marlene’s androgynous turn in a top hat, tails and tights in Morocco, rendered young women and men—around the globe—gob smacked. One of the most enduring images in Hollywood, Marlene the androgyne transcends age and gender.
A Little Oddball
Suzanne Pleshette: With one of the raspiest, smoky voices in Hollywood, this sitcom queen wooed lesbians who just wished she’d whisper in their ears. Preceding her reign as Bob Newhart’s coolheaded and in-charge wife Emily Hartley on the Bob Newhart Show, Suzanne gave a mildly Sapphic turn as a jealous ex-girlfriend who plays hostess to Tippi Hedren’s character in Hitchcock’s The Birds -- before she’s pecked to death in the final reel. Final kudos to Suzanne who landed the coveted role as drunken socialite Karen Walker’s mother on Will and Grace.
A.J. Langer: While Claire Danes introspective Angela Chase had baby dykes drooling over her on My So Called Life, A.J. Langer as Angela’s best friend Rayanne won loads of naughty girl points. A.J.’s Rayanne smoked, drank, took drugs, cut class and generally behaved badly while doling out sound advice to Angela. Rayanne was the kind of BFF who would hold her friend’s hair when she drank too much and kiss the girls under the bleachers.
Alyson Hannigan: As the Sapphic leaning Willow Rosenberg on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Alyson appealed to the hot nerd in all the young girls. But she really nailed her fan base of geek loving gay girls with her sex-obsessed flautist obsessed with band camp in the American Pie series.
Carolyn Jones: The original Goth babe, Carolyn Jones as Morticia Addams in the Addams Family TV show, made lopping roses off at that stem and embracing the macabre, totally sexy. But oh, when she spoke French, it didn’t just drive Gomez wild. Plenty of little Lesbos parked in front of their boob-tubes wanted to kiss Morticia’s arm from the wrist on up.