Hello my fellow second class citizens! Following celebratory cheers, shots and kisses with strangers over Barack Obama's win, queer Californians woke up with a massive Election Day hangover exacerbated by the royal flushing of our civil rights down the proverbial can.
Of course, my maudlin ass was already two glasses of Rioja in and hugging my cat before I cried myself to sleep on Election Night once I realized Prop. 8 would likely pass and strip tens of thousands of disgustingly in love, happy couples of their right to tie the knot with the state of California’s blessing.
If Prop. 8’s odious passing at the punch cards of folks choking on the lies fed to them by that pillar of upstanding morality and women’s and children’s rights, The Mormon Church, weren’t enough, those pussy’s over at ABC and Grey’s Anatomy fired Brooke Smith and axed the Lesbo storyline the day before Prop. 8 passed. When pop culture and life converge so singularly awfully, it’s time to take back the streets. And that’s just what many thousand unhappy homos and the celebrity friends who love them did, me included.
A few hard cries, including one embarrassing one here at work, and a half a bottle of red wine later, I re-applied my eye liner, dusted the nachos’ crumbs off my bathrobe, shoved my cat to the side and hit the streets demanding equal rights. Really, there’s only one thing I’m going to take lying down, or standing up or… you get the picture. The point being, the LGBT community has galvanized and all of those tunnel-visioned ideologues had better watch the fuck out. However we determined we are, we still didn’t look this hot!
A side note… I just want to say that only I could turn up at a protest 13,000-strong and loaded with hot gay women, and the one straight dude on the other side of the rope would say, “Come on baby, you know you want a husband.” I mean really. I was sporting my trendy, tres-gay page boy cap and everything. I’ve pretty much screamed gay since the first grade when I was forced to wear a dress to school and I donned it with my everyday shoes… my shit-kicking black work boots. I’m not saying I started the whole punk dress / combat boot look but you never know.
A big thank you to all who’ve come out in favor of same-sex perma-coupling under the eyes of the state government and who’ve bid a fond fuck you to the gay marriage naysayers. Among the more famous hotties who’ve been spotted rabble rousing in West Hollywood and Silverlake are cutie-pie Drew Barrymore, the very naughty Rose McGowan, the original Tracy Turnblad, Ricki Lake, and curvy small-screen psychic Patricia Arquette.
A quickie about the Grey’s debacle since it’s been analyzed ad nauseum... since the bulk of the regular cast puts me to sleep better than a bubble bath, Gran Marnier and Lunesta cocktail -- save for Sara Ramirez and Sandra Oh -- I’ve resigned myself to watching big-piped babe Sara in her Spamalot Tony’s performance on heavy rotation. It’s not quite a lesbian love story but it satisfies the inner show queen.
Now, ABC isn’t shying away from all girl on girl action. Either the fat cats in ABC programming are trying to lure the unemployed slacker dude and stay-at-home-dads into watching All My Children when the kiddies are in school, or there are more than a few housewives who’re itching for Sapphic storylines while baking proverbial hetero meatloaf. Anyway… I need an ice cube on the back of my neck and a fan to watch Eden Riegel’s Bianca and Tamara Braun’s Reese in a few rather steamy daytime make out sessions. Or it could be that I’ve been single five months and I’m too lazy to hit the bars and get slutty, but these two are like Bette and Tina light. Very sexy indeed. And since my Tamara Braun phoner I have a full-on crush...
Yes, there are some AMC fangirls who’re ripped about the whole Zach / sperm donor storyline, blah, blah, blah. I just say do what I do. DVR it and fast forward through the dude. "Never mind the Bollocks" -- as it were.
While Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones have turned to kittens and puppies to help circumvent depression and the abyss during tough economic times -- and now with the stripping away of LGBT rights -- for me, there’s always Kate Winslet. The charismatic, five-time Oscar nominated Brit hot-ass channels Catherine Deneuve ala Luis Bunuel’s masterpiece study of a bored housewife who turns prossie in the afternoons, Belle de Jour. While I’d take Kate with an unfortunate bowl cut channeling bi-sexual writer Iris Murdoch, the Vanity Fair spread is pure guilty, alone time pleasure.
That’s it. From here on out, Wall Street tanks: Sense and Sensibility. Big Auto needs a bail out: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. California votes me and my best pals into second class citizenship status: Heavenly Creatures. You get the idea. Kate’s the next panacea.
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Oh… and here’s another solution to help isolate and avoid your problems. The L Word has released its promo for Season 6, and according to Ilene Chaiken and the Showtime Gods, it’s going to be “killer.” While the killer theme could pan out any number of ways, I’m guessing the L Word goes all classic Hollywood style Lesbo and offs the transgressive woman. So she’s not Janet Leigh in Psycho lifting thousands from her boss and engaging in Playtex bra and panties clad trysts in the afternoon, but Jennifer Beals' Bette is just the type of progressive, transgressor Old Hollywood would have loved to off.
So I’m guessing Marlee Matlin’s Jodi gets stalker revenge on Bette for denying her dual beater-wearing love making sessions accompanied by French Press coffee. Either that or Pam Grier’s Kit says “Fuck it,” enters the one seventies-era phone booth remaining in LA, does a Superman style morph into Foxy Brown and gets medieval on somebody’s ass. Just a thought.
This week POWER UP, the non-profit helmed by Stacy Codikow and Lisa Thrasher, behind the Itty Bitty Titty Committee juggernaut, held its annual Top 10 Amazing Women in Showbiz gala. This year it was not so much gala as just good and gay. A shift from the over-the-top posh Beverly Hills Hotel to the trendy once-upon-a Paris and Nicole Richie den of Hollywood club girls' iniquity, Social Hollywood, allowed for more intimate mingling and schmoozing.
POWER UP honored amazing women Suzanne Westenhoefer, Jenny Fulle, Cheryl Dunye, Samantha Sprecher, Michaline Babich, Nancylee Myatt, Karen Flischel, Barbara Gaines, Lisa Sherman and Gaye Ann Bruno.
Ever the respectful starfucker -- I mean gazer -- I was thrilled that SheWired.com vlogger extraordinairres Cathy DeBuono and Jill Bennett were on hand but also sooo excited to chat with 3Way’s Maile Flanagan.
I realize I’m late to this party but I’m not a kid and I always just figured South of Nowhere was just a bunch of teen schlock. Well, I am eating my words every time I obsessively get to my ON Demand to seek out the latest episode of the hyper-addictive little show, followed by dismay and expletives when I can't find it.
That said, Gabrielle Christian and Mandy Musgrave were both on hand at POWER UP and while I didn’t chat with Mandy’s on-screen other half Gabrielle, I did spend several minutes chatting up the eat-her-with-a-spoon fucking adorable and sweet-as-pie Mandy. If I were 10 years younger I’d have a bona fide crush but for now I’m sticking to my Kate Winslet panacea theory.
Congrats are in order for POWER UP’s hostess with the mostess fun and filthy mouth, AfterEllen.com's the smokin’ Bridget McManus and her wife Karman Kregloe. The couple said their “I do’s” on Aug. 29, but fueled by Prop. 8’s passage, Bridget announced their nuptials at the event, which was followed by the tinkling sound of hundreds of begrudgingly-happy-for-the-couple girls’ hopeful hearts breaking. Alas, they are legally off the market.
Miss the last "Media Blender"? Read it here.