Hello my fellow second class citizens! Following celebratory cheers, shots and kisses with strangers over Barack Obama's win, queer Californians woke up with a massive Election Day hangover exacerbated by the royal flushing of our civil rights down the proverbial can.
Of course, my maudlin ass was already two glasses of Rioja in and hugging my cat before I cried myself to sleep on Election Night once I realized Prop. 8 would likely pass and strip tens of thousands of disgustingly in love, happy couples of their right to tie the knot with the state of California’s blessing.
If Prop. 8’s odious passing at the punch cards of folks choking on the lies fed to them by that pillar of upstanding morality and women’s and children’s rights, The Mormon Church, weren’t enough, those pussy’s over at ABC and Grey’s Anatomy fired Brooke Smith and axed the Lesbo storyline the day before Prop. 8 passed. When pop culture and life converge so singularly awfully, it’s time to take back the streets. And that’s just what many thousand unhappy homos and the celebrity friends who love them did, me included.
A few hard cries, including one embarrassing one here at work, and a half a bottle of red wine later, I re-applied my eye liner, dusted the nachos’ crumbs off my bathrobe, shoved my cat to the side and hit the streets demanding equal rights. Really, there’s only one thing I’m going to take lying down, or standing up or… you get the picture. The point being, the LGBT community has galvanized and all of those tunnel-visioned ideologues had better watch the fuck out. However we determined we are, we still didn’t look this hot!
A side note… I just want to say that only I could turn up at a protest 13,000-strong and loaded with hot gay women, and the one straight dude on the other side of the rope would say, “Come on baby, you know you want a husband.” I mean really. I was sporting my trendy, tres-gay page boy cap and everything. I’ve pretty much screamed gay since the first grade when I was forced to wear a dress to school and I donned it with my everyday shoes… my shit-kicking black work boots. I’m not saying I started the whole punk dress / combat boot look but you never know.
A big thank you to all who’ve come out in favor of same-sex perma-coupling under the eyes of the state government and who’ve bid a fond fuck you to the gay marriage naysayers. Among the more famous hotties who’ve been spotted rabble rousing in West Hollywood and Silverlake are cutie-pie Drew Barrymore, the very naughty Rose McGowan, the original Tracy Turnblad, Ricki Lake, and curvy small-screen psychic Patricia Arquette.
A quickie about the Grey’s debacle since it’s been analyzed ad nauseum... since the bulk of the regular cast puts me to sleep better than a bubble bath, Gran Marnier and Lunesta cocktail -- save for Sara Ramirez and Sandra Oh -- I’ve resigned myself to watching big-piped babe Sara in her Spamalot Tony’s performance on heavy rotation. It’s not quite a lesbian love story but it satisfies the inner show queen.
Now, ABC isn’t shying away from all girl on girl action. Either the fat cats in ABC programming are trying to lure the unemployed slacker dude and stay-at-home-dads into watching All My Children when the kiddies are in school, or there are more than a few housewives who’re itching for Sapphic storylines while baking proverbial hetero meatloaf. Anyway… I need an ice cube on the back of my neck and a fan to watch Eden Riegel’s Bianca and Tamara Braun’s Reese in a few rather steamy daytime make out sessions. Or it could be that I’ve been single five months and I’m too lazy to hit the bars and get slutty, but these two are like Bette and Tina light. Very sexy indeed. And since my Tamara Braun phoner I have a full-on crush...
Yes, there are some AMC fangirls who’re ripped about the whole Zach / sperm donor storyline, blah, blah, blah. I just say do what I do. DVR it and fast forward through the dude. "Never mind the Bollocks" -- as it were.
While Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones have turned to kittens and puppies to help circumvent depression and the abyss during tough economic times -- and now with the stripping away of LGBT rights -- for me, there’s always Kate Winslet. The charismatic, five-time Oscar nominated Brit hot-ass channels Catherine Deneuve ala Luis Bunuel’s masterpiece study of a bored housewife who turns prossie in the afternoons, Belle de Jour. While I’d take Kate with an unfortunate bowl cut channeling bi-sexual writer Iris Murdoch, the Vanity Fair spread is pure guilty, alone time pleasure.
That’s it. From here on out, Wall Street tanks: Sense and Sensibility. Big Auto needs a bail out: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. California votes me and my best pals into second class citizenship status: Heavenly Creatures. You get the idea. Kate’s the next panacea.
More on next page...
