Top 10 Things Every Lesbian Should Be Thankful For

(continued)

9. Beer

This may sound like a given on this top ten list (I almost wrote “lest”…hmm) but it’s actually very special.  You see, beer is really, really good.  It is the perfect cold, refreshing drink for just about any occasion, except occasions in which you are already cold (in which case I would recommend whiskey, and in which case you are only allowed to drink Johnny Walker Black; Jack Daniels is a homophobic company, I’m not making this up!)  If you still aren’t convinced, watch this commercial, it will make your little lesbian heart happy.

Anyway.  Beer tastes great and pairs well with tons of foods (or just, you know, more beer).  Straight girls and gay boys tend to shy away from beer because it packs on calories, causes bloating, makes them “feel fat,” seems like too much of a “guy drink,” etc. but us lesbians have none of these problems. None!  Some lesbians are blessed with unusually high metabolisms.  Maybe it’s because we have more testosterone? Maybe it’s ‘cause we have to actually try during sex?  Maybe I’m just making this all up and possibly offending lots of people?  Regardless, I have noticed that many gay girls are naturally thin/toned/athletic/tall and I have no idea why this is, I just appreciate the hell out of it.  And this musculature and metabolism allows us to guzzle as much brewsky as possible.  I know, I know I’m generalizing, but still.  So drink up ladies!  You’ll be burning it off in no time!

More on next page...