Love and Depression...
I have a girlfriend, who I love with all my heart but she just...doesn't seem to like be back as much. She says she loves me, when we're together the few times in school (still in highschool, sophomores) we chat, hold hands...like everything is fine when we're together alone but, it feels like she doesn't try for me. She never tries to talk to me. She told me she's not much of one for texting people first...but I feel like she doesn't care or doesn't want to. She never tries to hang out after school because her parents are fucking dickheads (sorry, that's what I think about them) and won't let us hang out unless it's at her house while her mom is there. But she never invites me over, nor tries anything and it hurts because...it always feels like I'm not worth the effort. I suffer from depression and anxiety which just escelates these thoughts that she doesn't like me as much. I just feel like she's slipping away from me. I don't want to lose her, she's literally the only thing keeping me here on this world. I don't like it here, I hate my school, family, I have no friends who actually care and she's the only person I trust and love. Maybe it's just me being a teenage melodramatic, but...she is everything to me. I've loved her for two years and we just started dating in November and I love her. I want to be with her, but...it hurts so bad at the same time. I can literally feel my heart/chest hurt, I can't help but cry when I think about her leaving me, and she just means everything to me...but I seem to mean nothing to her. Not enough to make her try at least...I mean...shouldn't the person you love be worth the effort to talk to or to see? And she always picks her friends over me, like...I understand, friends are great. I personally don't have any, but...maybe once or twice at least she could think "oh my girlfriend wants to hang out" or something........I feel more alone and hurt than ever but I love her...but it hurts like hell and I don't know how to fix it or make it better.
:)
:)
Well, for firsts, she was
Well, for firsts, she was avoiding me and trying to get me to realize she didn't love me romantically, just as friends and, she broke up with me thursday...so, for once my depression was actually telling me the truth...So, I don't take anything or see anybody for depression or anxiety or anything. I did Nov 2010-Aug 2011, when my school reported me for self harming to my mom and she tried for three months to get me signed up for therapy. But I have extreme problems with trusting people, every person I have ever trusted has either left or stabbed me in the back. But I stopped seeing the spych and so they all think I'm fine again. My mom mentioned to me last month that I have to stop self harming, so she knows I still do it but doesn't really do anything about it... I've tried doing stuff with people outside of school, but they're either busy or don't feel like it. I joined our county's PFLAG and GLSEN groups so, once a month I actually be social sometimes...I am trying my best to keep above everything and keep going. I have one friend who I've recently been talking to some, but it's more me helping her than anything, but, I am trying. :)
How to Overcome Depression
You write you suffer from depression and anxiety. Are you getting help for these issues? This needs to be your first step as these are serious problems that affect your quality of life and how you interact with other people. Medical/emotional support for these issues will go a long way to helping you feel good about yourself. Learn to give yourself the love you deserve, learn to feel you deserve that love and you will find others reflect those feelings back. You write that you have no friends, your world is revolving around this one person. She probably is overwhelmed by being the center of your universe. Back off and deal with your own issues of self esteem, depression and anxiety first, then work on making friends, maybe join in with others who do things you enjoy? Outside of the school circle? For some more resources on how to overcome depression stop by http://howtoovercomedepressionsite.org and see what help is available
Hi, Dashigara....
Why don't you find something else to keep you busy when you're not with your friend, maybe she feels a little overwhelmed with someone wanting and needing her all the time and it sounds like she's really active and has alot of friends that also wants to see her and hang out with her. You may not understand it now but being in a relationship it is a good thing for the both of you to have other activities when you're not with each other. I know at your age you may feel like you are the only one who feels the way you do right now but you're not alone, I know there are a countless numbers of kids just like you going through the exact same thing and I know it sounds like a clich'e but "it does get better". I used to be in the same spot you're in right now when I was your age and I thought there was no one out there who could understand how I was feeling and what I was going through and I started doing alot of stupid things that took me down the wrong path but I eventualy came out of that mess but not before going through alot of heartache and misery and I often thought about what if I would've reached out to someone and talked to them, maybe I didn't have to go through all of the crap I went through but I'm happy with the person that I've become because of the crap I went through and going down that path was the only way I could get to where I'm at today which is the same path that led me to this post so I can let you know that it doesn't have to be that way for you because you're at the age where you are just trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in in this world, and maybe sometimes you may feel like you're going to get lost in all of the commotion that's going on in it and no one really cares if you're here or not but I'm here to tell you that they do and they might not show it all the time but they care and I care. So keep your head up as hard as it may seem sometimes and I want you to care about existing in this world after all you deserve to be here and you deserve to give youself the time to find out who you are and I can assure you that 15 or 16 is not nearly enough time to do that so give yourself a chance and no more talk about not liking being here, O.K. Try and put yourself out there and talk to someone that you really trust maybe a counselor or call a teen help center or keep you a journal and write down what you're feeling from day to day...writing is what helped me get through some really tough times in my life, it feels good to just get the words out onto paper or whatever forum you feel is best for you and I promise you that you will start to feel better about yourself, it just takes time all you have to do is be patient...I know that may not be a luxury you kids have nowadays:) but it will work itself out in time. So find a hobby or two that's going to keep you busy and not put all of your emotions in one thing or one person. There is an awesome friend or friends or a mentor who you are supposed to meet and they're just waiting on you to come into their lives because maybe they need someone like you to help them through a rough day. Good Luck and I wish only the best for you so stay strong and be on your way to becoming the person you were meant to be. "love the life you live and live the life you love"
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