Sports for the Girls: Candace Parker, Annika Sorenstam, Shawn Johnson

Sports for the Girls: Candace Parker, Annika Sorenstam, Shawn Johnson

If you like sports, you’ve noticed that there’s a whole lot of college basketball being televised right now. You’ve probably noticed it even if you’ve just tried to watch Survivor for the last two weeks. What’s been nice is that both women’s and men’s tournament games have had prime time coverage. It’s been fun, but very confusing for me to keep tabs on which college’s gender has made it to the next round.

Girls or boys? Bears or Huskies? …who’s doing what tonight?

Let me give you the only gay bar analogy you’ll ever see in sports:Annn

You find yourself checking out that cute dyke walking into the bar. You try to buy her a drink only to find out that it’s a very pretty guy and you’ve had one too many yourself.

In both these situations I try to just relax and enjoy the show.

The women athletes are holding their own and keeping the spotlight trained on them more and more each year, playing in the NCAA and then making their mark in the professionals.

Gracing the most recent cover of ESPN magazine is none other than Candace Parker.

Pregnant with their first child, the newly married Parker is starting to get the nickname the “female-Michael Jordan.”

Allison Glock’s article in the magazine has been keeping women in sports a hot topic also. Her first paragraph sent people reeling:

"Candace Parker is beautiful. Breathtaking, really, with flawless skin, endless legs and a C cup she is proud of but never flaunts. She is also the best at what she does, a record-setter, a rule-breaker, a redefiner. She is a woman who plays like a man, one of the boys, if the boys had C cups and flawless skin."

Lots of people have weighted in on this. I’ve read posts from guys that didn’t even know that women cared about other women’s breast size--I’m assuming they were only considering straight women.  Melissa Issacson of the Chicago Tribune wasn’t offended, but as a female sports writer she felt compelled to write about it, and I feel the same way. I could scream to give women athletes the professionalism they deserve, but if C cups land us air time and they are backed up with stats well then…sure…why not discuss those amazing stats in that amazing body.

In case you’re on the fence about how to handle the C cup incident, I’ve heard a rumor that the next ESPN cover will be Lebron James and the article will mention a medium jock strap that he’s proud of, but never flaunts.

If you’re considering buying Parker a baby shower gift, you should go ahead and get two. Annika Sorenstam has also just announced that she’s pregnant. She and her husband have been busy. Hey, get your mind out of the gutter…


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What I meant was that she’s been designing golf courses, teaching golf and working on a wine and a perfume -- both named Annika. The whole husband thing really dampens my fantasy about private golf lessons, but I wish them well.

Sticking to the subject of babies and children, Maryland’s women basketball team has a new slogan: ”We eat kids.”

Back in the fall sophomore forward Emery Wallace began shouting out motivational things. A Mike Tyson quote popped in her mind, and she just started yelling it.

“Defense!…Intensity…Eat Kids!!!”  Now they put it on the white board before games and pump fists and yell it returning to the court after halftime–and it works. Marissa Coleman scored a school-record 42 points, in a win against Vanderbilt, and the Lady Terrapins have bitten their way into the Elite Eight. They will dine with #3 seed Louisville for a place at the Final Four table, in St. Louis.           

Freshman Center, Yemi Oyefuwa puts this crazy concept in context: "Just because we're girls doesn't mean we're all...I mean, we are kind of prissy, but it's a sport. It's not a women's sport, it's not a men's sport; it's a sport. And if they can go hard, we can go hard as well. It's funny, it reminds us of the past, and all the memories of how we got here, but the meaning is just don't give up."

See? Those women aren’t taking the “Eat Children” thing literally. That would be crazy…but of course not everyone has a grip on reality. I leave you this week with the story of Shawn Johnson and Robert O’Ryan.

Shawn won a gymnastic gold medal in Beijing and landed a spot in this season’s Dancing With the Stars. Robert O’Ryan -- well, he’s her personal stalker. Robert was arrested while trying to enter the CBS Studio where the series was being filmed. In his car, police found a shotgun, a handgun, duct tape and love letters. A restraining order, good through April 14 -- meaning it's the temporary type --was issued and O'Ryan was held on $35,000 bail.

A police report stated that O'Ryan believed he was "meant to have a child" with the Johnson. If you’re not eating children you’re stalking people to make them. Crazy sports. Crazy people. See you soon on the couch…but I’m not letting you sit too close…the voices told me not to.


Miss the last Sports for the Girls? Read it here!

Tags: Sports