Op-Ed: Same-Sex Binational Couples Alone at the Holidays but Hopeful DOMA will be Overturned

I am Philippa. I am British and live in the UK. My wife Inger is an American citizen and lives in the USA with her 12-year-old daughter Evelyn. We are a family separated by DOMA who just want our lives to begin together.

I am Philippa. I am British and live in the UK. My wife Inger is an American citizen and lives in the USA with her 12-year-old daughter Evelyn. We are a family separated by DOMA who just want our lives to begin together.

As I sit here writing this I have four days left of a six week visit here in the U.S. I flew over so that we could spend our first Halloween together as requested by our kiddo. We try and plan trips around special occasions, but Halloween has always been one holiday we couldn’t quite manage. Fortunately, we could include Inger’s birthday and Thanksgiving in this trip too, but Christmas will be spent apart. Hopefully technology will work so that we can see each other via webcam, but the 7-hour time difference still makes this a difficult process.

We married legally in Iowa in April of this year, but unfortunately, as our marriage is only recognized in 10 states, federally we are not recognized as a couple for the purpose of immigration. We have more hope now that President Obama has been re-elected, but still, I will be leaving Tuesday not knowing when I will see my family again.

Philippa and Inger 

Since we met in September 2008, our relationship has gone from strength to strength. Yes, we have hit a few bumps in the road but we figure it out somehow and everything just falls into place when we see each other again. This said, I am worried. Many things are happening in our lives that I cannot go into detail about, yet they are serious issues and I feel sick at the thought of leaving my wife on her own to deal with it all. Some of these issues are ongoing and others have just been sprung on us. We know we would have a much better chance of dealing with everything if we were able to do it together. Never underestimate the importance of being able to curl up in the arms of the one person that makes you feel safe. It doesn’t take away the problems that life throws at you but it makes everything seem so much more doable.

more on next page...